The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #50:

A Web Log about your windshield from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

I am often astounded by Tire Discounters.  Recently, I was following a construction vehicle in the Phantomobile.  The sign on the rear of the truck said stay back 100 feet.  I calculated that I was at least 107 feet behind the truck, but, lo and behold, my windshield was struck by a flying pebble. 

When I returned to lair, I inspected my windshield and discovered an insidious crack.  As a Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity, I knew that this was unsafe.  The crack would grow, and ultimately endanger the structural integrity of the Phantomobile.  I grabbed my cellular telephone and speed-dialed Tire Discounters.

“Thanks for calling Tire Discounters, the home of free alignment.  This is Mike, how can I help you.”

“Oh, hello Mike.”

“Hiya Phantom!”

“Mike, can you recommend a reputable and reliable company to replace my windshield?

What?  Phantom, we do that!  You didn’t know?”

“What?  I, I, I’m stunned.” 

“Oh yeah!  Been doing glass replacement for a while now.  We’ve got you covered.” 

“Wow!  Talk about a reputable and reliable company!  Tire Discounters!  Mike, I’ll be right in.”

“Okay.  OR, we could come to you and fix it right there.”

“Now Mike.  Please.  I’ve told you before, I don’t ever want special treatment even though I am a close personal friend of Chip Wood, your founder and owner.”

“No, Phantom, we do that for everybody.”

“Mike, is there anything else you’re not telling me?” 

“Well, since your lair is here in Cincinnati, there’s Service while you Sleep, Service while you Fly, Concierge service…”

“Stop, stop Mike!  As a young hipster recently said to me:  Mind Blown!”

“I know!  It’s great.  All this is in Cincy right now, and before you know it, every Tire Discounters all over the country will offer it all!” “Convenience!  So crucial!  Thank you Mike!”