The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer – #30

Dear  Diary

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

I stopped into a local coffee restaurant the other day.  It has a rather curious name: “Starbucks”.  I was looking forward to re-reading an email from my good friend Chip Wood about a couple of tires that Tire Discounters was featuring in March.  But before I wrapped my mind around such straight forward matters as the circumferential grooves in the Pirelli PZero AS +, or the asymmetric design and lateral groove densities of the Kenda Klever S/T KR52, I was stymied by how confusing it was to order a cup of coffee. 

As I listened to the customers in front of me, it seemed they were speaking in some sort of quasi-Italian code.  Frappacino, Machiaddo, venti…it was all rather disconcerting.  When my turn came, I hesitantly stepped up to the register:

“Hello, I’m Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity.”

“Hi, I’m Mindy, your barista for today.”

“Oh, no thanks, I’m a tea-totaler.  I’d just like a cup of black coffee, please.”

“What kind?”

“Um, black is fine.”

“Yes, all right, I’ll just fix you up with our Pike brew, okay?”

“That sounds interesting…”


“It certainly is”, I replied.  I felt this neutral response was the best course of action. 

I did get my coffee, and was soon back in my comfort zone, enjoying what was quite a decent cup of Joe, re-immersed in the clear and beautiful language of rubber.  Oh my!  The new Pirelli boasts of larger grooves between blocks…ah, music to my ears.