The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer – #30


Dear  Diary

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

I stopped into a local coffee restaurant the other day.  It has a rather curious name: “Starbucks”.  I was looking forward to re-reading an email from my good friend Chip Wood about a couple of tires that Tire Discounters was featuring in March.  But before I wrapped my mind around such straight forward matters as the circumferential grooves in the Pirelli PZero AS +, or the asymmetric design and lateral groove densities of the Kenda Klever S/T KR52, I was stymied by how confusing it was to order a cup of coffee. 

As I listened to the customers in front of me, it seemed they were speaking in some sort of quasi-Italian code.  Frappacino, Machiaddo, venti…it was all rather disconcerting.  When my turn came, I hesitantly stepped up to the register:

“Hello, I’m Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity.”

“Hi, I’m Mindy, your barista for today.”

“Oh, no thanks, I’m a tea-totaler.  I’d just like a cup of black coffee, please.”

“What kind?”

“Um, black is fine.”

“Yes, all right, I’ll just fix you up with our Pike brew, okay?”

“That sounds interesting…”

“Grande?”

“It certainly is”, I replied.  I felt this neutral response was the best course of action. 

I did get my coffee, and was soon back in my comfort zone, enjoying what was quite a decent cup of Joe, re-immersed in the clear and beautiful language of rubber.  Oh my!  The new Pirelli boasts of larger grooves between blocks…ah, music to my ears.