The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #49:

A Web Log about ASE-certified services from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear reader:  I couldn’t believe my ears.  I was speaking with Mr. McGillicuddy, who lives just across the way from my lair, in a top secret location.  He was happily recounting a recent game of the football that he’d watched on television, when suddenly, out of nowhere, he asked “Hey Phantom, you know anyone I could trust to do my brakes?”

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #45:

A Web Log about tire pressure from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

I don’t know about you, but one of my favorite pastimes is to wonder about and check the tire pressure on various vehicles.  If I can help improve even one person’s tire wear and vehicle safety, to me that is time very well spent.  But, even on my best day, I can only check between 300 to 400 vehicles.  (Although, on June 21st, the longest day of the year, I checked 628 vehicles.)  So, I can’t promise to get to your personal vehicle. 

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #44:

A Web Log about signs from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

People often comment to me about the marquee signs that are in front of Tire Discounters, or, as I like to call it, the Greatest Tire Store in the World.  Some people even think that I might have a hand in writing them.  Well dear reader, I can assure you that I don’t.  The truth is, friends tell me that my sense of humor is somewhat, shall we say, underdeveloped. 

Frankly, I find some of the signs a bit off-putting.  For example, one sign recently started out just fine.  The first line read “Family Owned and Operated”.  That’s very sweet, isn’t it?  But it then goes on to say “Shut up – No, You Shut Up.”  Why?  I simply don’t understand this kind of rude, crude communication. 

In fact, I have suggested a few signs to my good friend Chip Wood.  For example, I think “Alignment – So Crucial!” would be of service to public.  Certainly better than “Voted Number #1 Tire Store, Thanks Mom!”  I mean, how reliably can one’s mother judge one’s efforts?  Wouldn’t she be bias toward her son? 

It isn’t as though I don’t at all understand humor, though.  I even wrote a “knock-knock” joke. 

“Knock-knock,” said I to the attractive young lady behind the cash register at the health food store.

“Oh, I love those jokes!  Who’s there!”

“I’m a Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity!”

“A Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity who?”

“That’s me!” I shouted!

“I don’t get it.”

Actually, neither did I.  But I’m used to that.  She, on the other hand, seemed rather disappointed.

The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #43:

A Web Log about ADAS from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

The Phantomobile is an older vehicle, and as such doesn’t feature an Advanced Driver’s Assistance System.  Those of us in the “biz” (if you’ll forgive my informality!) refer to it as ADAS.  I was recently at the Tire Discounter’s Performance store, when I happened upon Dave Cahill, the Director of Training. 

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #41:

A Web Log about heat from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

It is hot.  My Phantom Lair is located in a top secret location in Cincinnati, Ohio.  And like many of our friends in the Midwest, we are experiencing a massive heat wave.  I am trying to stay inside whenever possible.  BUT – as a Phantom Tire Buyer, I have responsibilities that only grow more crucial with every uptick of the thermometer. 

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #35:

A Web Log about treadwear from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

I was having a spot of trouble with my computer the other day, and a nice young man (certainly not a “Geek”, so the company name remains confusing to me) was dispatched to the lair.  He pulled up in a newer model Volkswagen.  After a brief visual inspection of his treadwear, I introduced myself.

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