The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #41:

A Web Log about heat from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

It is hot.  My Phantom Lair is located in a top secret location in Cincinnati, Ohio.  And like many of our friends in the Midwest, we are experiencing a massive heat wave.  I am trying to stay inside whenever possible.  BUT – as a Phantom Tire Buyer, I have responsibilities that only grow more crucial with every uptick of the thermometer. 

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #40:

A Web Log about a secret from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

I decided that for my summer vacation this year, I would load up the Phantomobile and tour every town fortunate enough to be home to the greatest tire store in the world, Tire Discounters!  So, from smallish towns like Wilmington, OH, to boomtowns like Nashville, TN, I reserved overnight accommodations at various bed & breakfasts along the route.  Naturally, I used my secret identity when making the reservations.  I discovered long ago that getting a decent credit card approved under the name Phantom Tire Buyer is problematic at best.

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #38:

A Web Log about my secret identity from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

The other day I left my lair for a trip to the dentist.  As a Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity, when going about my day-to-day life I eschew my cape and glasses and can move about at will – and, I thought, with complete anonymity.  In the small parking lot outside the dentist’s office I performed my usual reconnaissance, casually checking each vehicle or improper tire wear.  What I discovered there was quite disturbing.  “Don’t make a scene” I told myself.

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #37:

A Web Log about stores with confusing names from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

It may come as surprise to many of my readers who think of me as a cool, calm and collected Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity, but I suffer from chronic hypertension. Fortunately, my high blood pressure is kept under control through drugs to treat it and the careful supervision of my doctor.  It was quite a surprise to both of us then, to discover in yesterday’s check-up that my BP had skyrocketed to nearly alarming heights. 

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #35:

A Web Log about treadwear from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

I was having a spot of trouble with my computer the other day, and a nice young man (certainly not a “Geek”, so the company name remains confusing to me) was dispatched to the lair.  He pulled up in a newer model Volkswagen.  After a brief visual inspection of his treadwear, I introduced myself.

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #34:

A Web Log about “Details Matter” from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

I was coming back from the health food store the other day in the Phantomobile, when I espied a colorful and eye-catching billboard!  It said, “At 70 miles per hour, details matter”.  Wow, said to myself, wiser words were never spoken!  Just then I saw that the billboard was put up by my good friend Chip Wood!  It was my friends at Tire Discounters spreading the good word!

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #33

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Dear Diary,

I was in line recently at my local grocer’s, when I happened to overhear a conversation between the husband and wife who were behind me.  “Which tire store was it that we’re going to”, the wife asked.  The husband’s reply cut me to the quick:

“Doesn’t matter.  They’re all alike.”

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #32


A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity!

Dear Diary,

When I was a young Phantom, my formative years involved a lot of tinkering with alignment racks, mastering hand-torquing and learning the ins and outs of computer spin-balancing.  With all that, I would sometimes congratulate myself on my new found technical “wizardry”.

My friends, I was naïve.  Recently, my good friend, Chip Wood, invited me to see Tire Discounters’ latest industry-leading innovation:  a complex system designed to re-calibrate Advanced Driver Assistance Systems, aka, ADAS.  Wow!  Just wow. 

The Phantomobile has many years and miles on it, so it wasn’t until I experienced a ride in a 2018 vehicle that I gained a true appreciation of today’s ADAS system.  I was running some errands with my beloved Aunt Millie, when she pulled aside to attempt to parallel park into a very tight space.  “Oh, I don’t know if we’ll fit in that space, Auntie”, I said.  She responded by smiling broadly, pressing a button and lifting her hands off the wheel!  Well, you sophisticated readers know what happened:  the car parked itself!

I don’t pretend to be an expert on ADAS, but I met one at Tire Discounters.  Mr. Dave Cahill knows these systems backwards and forwards.  It was he who informed me that the systems operated with finely tuned cameras and sensors, and if this equipment wasn’t working properly it could endanger the safety of the driver and passengers. 

So my friends, if your car is equipped with one or more ADAS systems, I implore you to call my friends, the experts at Tire Discounters!