The Diary Of The Phantom Tire Buyer – Entry #23

Dear  Diary

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

December 27, 2018

My good friend Mike at Tire Discounters and I were engaging in some friendly small talk today when he asked me what my New Year’s Resolutions were for 2019.   Fortunately, I had already considered various ways that I could be a better Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity.

Here’s my partial list:

  • Don’t startle people. I can patiently explain the importance of tire safety and automotive maintenance.  I don’t need to blurt it out.  Even though it is SO CRUCIAL!
  • Buy and sew on a proper fastener for my cape. The safety pin looks rather unprofessional.
  • Cultivate a sophisticated sense of humor. Oftentimes people have to explain to me when they’re engaged in light-hearted banter or joshing.
  • Get out more. Almost every Tire Discounters is surrounded by places where regular people congregate and get coffee, or shop, or go about the usual business of life.  Caveat:  when acting upon this resolution, always remember resolution #1.

The Diary Of The Phantom Tire Buyer – Entry #22

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

December 20, 2018

Every year I struggle with the same dilemma:  what to get my friends at Tire Discounters for Christmas.  They work so hard all year keeping vehicles safe and tires aligned – what could I, a humble Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity, do for them to properly express my thanks?

Last year I decided to visit each store to express my gratitude personally.  Wow, what a whirlwind tour that turned out to be.  It isn’t easy visiting over 100 stores in 5 states – but I certainly met some interesting people along the way.  In one local eatery in Bardstown Kentucky, I struck up a conversation with a local gentlemen:

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The Diary Of The Phantom Tire Buyer – Entry #19

Dear  Diary

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

December 6, 2018

Alignment is so crucial!  And now, I’m noticing that others are getting the message.  The other day I was turning the rotary dial on my Philco television set when I happened upon the broadcast of a game of sports.  Apparently, in the football sport – if you are improperly aligned you are actually penalized!

Now I take a back seat to no one in championing the importance of proper alignment.  But a penalty?  Isn’t lack of handling and safety and improper tire wear punishment enough?  Why rub salt in the wound?  I say education is the answer.  Pull that team aside and patiently explain WHY proper alignment is so crucial!

It is tempting though, to don the costume of a referee and blow my whistle if I see a vehicle that I suspect is out of alignment.  Hmmm…

Learn more about alignment!

 

The Diary Of The Phantom Tire Buyer – Entry #18

Dear  Diary

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

December 3, 2018

I have been remiss in my diary duties of late due to a nagging cold.  Nothing serious, mind you, but I’ve been relegated to watching television in my lair.  It’s black and white, and doesn’t pick up the UHF channels very well.  But, I’ve learned a few things from my viewing:

  • There certainly is a lot going on in Chicago.  Medicine, fires, you name it, it’s happening there.
  • There’s a certain roofing company that can save you a l-o-o-o-t of money.
  • The football sport seems awfully popular.
  • During the day people shout at each other a lot. Sometimes it’s in court rooms and sometimes it’s in front of an audience.

The good news is that I’m starting to feel like my old Phantom-self again!  I think tomorrow I’ll hop into the Phantomobile and visit my friend Mike at Tire Discounters!  He always seems pleased when I appear!

Top 10 List – Winter Car Prep

In preparation for the cold winter months, many drivers begin to think about winter weather driving and the dangers that it can bring. Even if you have had your car for a long time and feel very comfortable behind the wheel, sometimes the unpredictable conditions on winter roads can catch you off guard. Tire Discounters wants you to feel ready for the change of season by providing you with the top ten list of things you can do to prepare for winter driving.

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The Diary Of The Phantom Tire Buyer – Entry #16

Dear  Diary

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

November 14, 2018

Well, my good compadre Mike over at my local Tire Discounters certainly “pulled one over on me” as they say.  When he asked me if I liked Big Bucks, I replied that I did.  I seldom use slang terms, but I felt confident in following along with Mike’s idiomatic usage.  Well, the joke was on me!  Because just yesterday I saw a billboard with huge buck DEER on it!  I had to chuckle.

Little did I know that he was talking about saving large male deer!  Not to worry, though, as I’m planning to get back at my good friend.  I remember when I was a young lad in the schoolyard and a friend asked me to pull his finger.  I did so, and everyone laughed and laughed.  So, next time I see Mike, I’m going to ask Mike, innocently enough, to pull MY finger.  I’m sure everyone will laugh, though I’m not sure exactly why.

The Diary Of The Phantom Tire Buyer – Entry #15

Dear  Diary

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

November 2, 2018

Some people think that I, as a Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity, must have a vehicle that always operates in peak condition.  Hah, I say!  Vehicle maintenance is an ongoing process, and even the Phantomobile can fall prey to the evils wrought by everyday wear and tear.

Just the other day, I was on my way to the supermarket for some raw lentil beans when suddenly I felt a very slight pulsing when I applied the brake.  I didn’t panic, for there was a Tire Discounters close by!  They leapt into action (after carefully running diagnostics tests) and replaced my front rotors.  I was thrilled to once again be driving a Phantomobile with maximum stopping power!

In retrospect, however, I may have become a bit too excited.  After parking at the supermarket, upon exiting my vehicle I couldn’t contain my joy and shouted “I can’t feel a pulse!  I can’t feel a pulse!”  Well, some concerned bystanders apparently misinterpreted my cries.  I’d like to sincerely apologize to anyone at the 911 call center who was unduly alarmed.

The Diary Of The Phantom Tire Buyer – Entry #14

Dear Diary,

A Web Log from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

October 18, 2018

Hello again.  At this time of year I’m always a bit agitated:  as Old Man Winter approaches (that’s just a saying, I remember being somewhat disappointed when I learned that he wasn’t real), I’m filled with trepidation that I haven’t done enough.  There may still be vehicles out there that are unsafe due to uneven tread wear, or simply treads that are too worn down to operate in inclement weather.

But what more can I do?  I warn everyone I can, but after all, I’m only a Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity.  Also, I must constantly remind myself that not everyone appreciates my advice and concern.  Like that man at the stoplight the other day.  In my defense all I can say is that I knocked on his window with the best of intentions.  I’m still not sure why he felt physical threats were necessary.