The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #44:

A Web Log about tire pressure from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

I don’t know about you, but one of my favorite pastimes is to wonder about and check the tire pressure on various vehicles.  If I can help improve even one person’s tire wear and vehicle safety, to me that is time very well spent.  But, even on my best day, I can only check between 300 to 400 vehicles.  (Although, on June 21st, the longest day of the year, I checked 628 vehicles.)  So, I can’t promise to get to your personal vehicle. 

Tire Discounters to the rescue!   Did you know that you can stop in any Tire Discounters at any time and they will check out your tire pressure and inflate your tires as needed?  And you don’t have to be, like me, a close personal friend of Chip Wood.  You don’t even have to be a Tire Discounters customer! 

Oft times I’ll pull into a Tire Discounters and request that they check my tire pressure just to make sure that the calibration is correct on my Phantom Tire Pressure Gauge.  Then I’ll get to joshing with the guys and gals at the store.  I could stay there for hours swapping tire related stories.  But, after a few minutes they will start looking at their watches and excuse themselves.  After all, there’s work to do! 

The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #44:

A Web Log about signs from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

People often comment to me about the marquee signs that are in front of Tire Discounters, or, as I like to call it, the Greatest Tire Store in the World.  Some people even think that I might have a hand in writing them.  Well dear reader, I can assure you that I don’t.  The truth is, friends tell me that my sense of humor is somewhat, shall we say, underdeveloped. 

Frankly, I find some of the signs a bit off-putting.  For example, one sign recently started out just fine.  The first line read “Family Owned and Operated”.  That’s very sweet, isn’t it?  But it then goes on to say “Shut up – No, You Shut Up.”  Why?  I simply don’t understand this kind of rude, crude communication. 

In fact, I have suggested a few signs to my good friend Chip Wood.  For example, I think “Alignment – So Crucial!” would be of service to public.  Certainly better than “Voted Number #1 Tire Store, Thanks Mom!”  I mean, how reliably can one’s mother judge one’s efforts?  Wouldn’t she be bias toward her son? 

It isn’t as though I don’t at all understand humor, though.  I even wrote a “knock-knock” joke. 

“Knock-knock,” said I to the attractive young lady behind the cash register at the health food store.

“Oh, I love those jokes!  Who’s there!”

“I’m a Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity!”

“A Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity who?”

“That’s me!” I shouted!

“I don’t get it.”

Actually, neither did I.  But I’m used to that.  She, on the other hand, seemed rather disappointed.

The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #43:

A Web Log about ADAS from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

The Phantomobile is an older vehicle, and as such doesn’t feature an Advanced Driver’s Assistance System.  Those of us in the “biz” (if you’ll forgive my informality!) refer to it as ADAS.  I was recently at the Tire Discounter’s Performance store, when I happened upon Dave Cahill, the Director of Training. 

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #41:

A Web Log about heat from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

It is hot.  My Phantom Lair is located in a top secret location in Cincinnati, Ohio.  And like many of our friends in the Midwest, we are experiencing a massive heat wave.  I am trying to stay inside whenever possible.  BUT – as a Phantom Tire Buyer, I have responsibilities that only grow more crucial with every uptick of the thermometer. 

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #40:

A Web Log about a secret from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

I decided that for my summer vacation this year, I would load up the Phantomobile and tour every town fortunate enough to be home to the greatest tire store in the world, Tire Discounters!  So, from smallish towns like Wilmington, OH, to boomtowns like Nashville, TN, I reserved overnight accommodations at various bed & breakfasts along the route.  Naturally, I used my secret identity when making the reservations.  I discovered long ago that getting a decent credit card approved under the name Phantom Tire Buyer is problematic at best.

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #38:

A Web Log about my secret identity from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

The other day I left my lair for a trip to the dentist.  As a Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity, when going about my day-to-day life I eschew my cape and glasses and can move about at will – and, I thought, with complete anonymity.  In the small parking lot outside the dentist’s office I performed my usual reconnaissance, casually checking each vehicle or improper tire wear.  What I discovered there was quite disturbing.  “Don’t make a scene” I told myself.

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The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #37:

A Web Log about stores with confusing names from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

It may come as surprise to many of my readers who think of me as a cool, calm and collected Phantom Tire Buyer with a secret identity, but I suffer from chronic hypertension. Fortunately, my high blood pressure is kept under control through drugs to treat it and the careful supervision of my doctor.  It was quite a surprise to both of us then, to discover in yesterday’s check-up that my BP had skyrocketed to nearly alarming heights. 

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