The Diary of the Phantom Tire Buyer #46:

A Web Log about alignment from A Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity

Yesterday I was sitting in the lair “channel-surfing” as they say, when I saw a commercial for a certain tire store with a backwards name.  (I refuse to write or utter their actual name.)  At the end of the commercial, they said “Let’s get you taken care of.”  Now, aside from ending a sentence in a preposition (something up with which I will not put) I must say that I was taken aback.  I picked up the phone:

“Yeah, This is (Blah Blah) Tire.”

“Hello, I’m a Phantom Tire Buyer with a Secret Identity.”

“Uh huh.  I got no time for crank calls.”

“Oh, too busy getting people taken care of?”  My voice can drip with sarcasm when I want it to.

“Did you need tires or what?”

“Yes.  And I assume you will perform any needed alignment on my vehicle before installing the tires, correct?”


“Yes.  As an expert, surely you will agree that putting new tires on a misaligned vehicle is a grave mistake.” 

“Well, yeah, the treads can start wearing all cattywampus.  But we don’t do alignments.” 


“You know how much an alignment rack costs?  Plus, I got no idea how to use ‘em.”

“So.  You’ll slap tires on my car, and send me out of your store knowing that the tires will wear out faster, and my vehicle may drive unsafely?”

“We’ll recommend a decent shop.  You can go there and get as aligned as you want.”

“And you call that getting me taken care of?  Did you know that at Tire Discounters…

Uh oh.  Gotta go.  You said Tire Discounters.  The boss said if somebody says Tire Discounters, we’re just supposed to hang up.

What!!!  That’s almost as outrageous as putting new tires on a misaligned…